BETA  VERSION

Group FAQ

To understand even better how the moderation is done and why some decisions are made,
please read this list of FAQ. These are some questions which were asked several times to the admin,
and more questions are gonna be added with time :)

“What if my post gets no answers?”
You can always write something on the comment section, so your post will go to the top of the feed - that will increase the chances ppl will check your post. You can say something simple like “up” or “bump” or even elaborate a bit more and explain who much your really need that info or help.

“Why was I banned without any further notice?”
I have to deal with so many messages and other tasks related to the group everyday, and keep in mind that’s an unpaid job. So just imagine how much time and energy I would give in just to tell ppl why they were banned. And actually that’s not a good idea, since banned ppl just want to get a fight in my dms - which already proves my decision to ban them. So speaking about that, maybe it’s good to say clearly: if you get ban, don’t come to the admin on her pms. Is just a FB group, get over it.

“Why my post is taking long to be accepted?”
Keep in mind that this is a big group, so there are always a lot of posts in the line to be approved. Also keep in mind that I read the posts, to see if they are appropriate or not - and that can take some time as well. So just wait a bit, most posts get around 1 day to be approved.

“I wrote to the admin but she didn’t text me back. Why?”

I have to deal with so many messages and other tasks related to the group everyday, and keep in mind that’s an unpaid job. So yeah, things won’t be always perfect and your msg might get lost in the middle of hundreds of other msgs. If it’s about something REALLY important, then text me again, so I can see your msg on the top. But if you spam me, I might block you.

“The admin sounds cold when she msgs me…”
Sorry, I’m actually really warm and friendly but keep in mind what I do here it’s an unpaid job, so I try to make the most of my time when it comes to deal with tasks related to the group. That means I might be very straight when we are talking on msgs. Please don’t take that personal, I’m just trying to answer quickly to answer everybody and deal with the other task related to the group and my life :)

“I think I have some ideas to make the group better…”
Cool! Write them to me, I’m open to always make the group better :) But because I’m busy with other things as well (personal life, work…) I might take a longer time to answer. But I read most of the msgs, even if I don’t answer them.

“My post was approved and after couple it was deleted, why”
Because I’m reading, approving and managing several msgs related to the group, I might approve some posts sometimes by mistake and see that just later. Also, for the sake of my mental health and the good vibes of the group, I might delete some posts when the comments start being a bit way too heated up. But this is a rare case.

“Why was this post approved i dont like it i dont agree w it im triggered by it”
As I mentioned before, in this group there are a lot of women from different countries, different cultures, backgrounds, history… That means that not everybody is gonna think the same way you think. Even if I personally don’t agree with certain posts, I try to moderate the group almost with very few filter, mostly for ads, spams and very outrageous posts. But I think it’s important that ppl speak what they have in their mind, so other ppl can share their opposite opinions and experiences (if they have time, energy and are willing to do so)

“Being empathetic sounds a bit too subjective. what do you mean by that”
Having in mind all the women here are also different ppl, I understand if being empathetic and nice sound a bit subjective. For me the most important thing, and what I’m basing myself to delete a comment and bann a person is: laughing reactions (unless the op it’s clearly making a joke at some point in her post), talking in a passive aggressive way, using irony and sarcasm to communicate and ofc, insulting a person calling her bitch, dumb, idiot, etc.

If you get angry with a post, don’t make comments right away. Wait 5 mins, take a deep breath and think if it’s really worth it in engaging in a drama or adding full to the flame, bc maybe that might backfire.

“Why some events and ads are approved and others arents”
I def support women’s business, but at some point the group was getting a ton of ads, and that’s not the focus of the group. I approve some ads especially if they are helping minorities. There's also a specific sister group to post those posts, check the rules.

“Why the admin deleted my comment, when I said nothing wrong?”
Sorry, but yes, that can happen. Usually in polarizing posts, where there are ppl starting a heated up and not constructive discussion in the comment section. When that happens, for the sake of my time and energy, because I’m not gonna read all the comments to see who’s right or wrong, I’ll just delete the original comment which originated the whole heated up discussion.

“I see some weird comments from time to time and I thought this group was a safe space?”
Keep in mind that in the group has literally thousands of women from different countries, different backgrounds, different languages, values…and overall, humans. And humans are not perfect creatures. So as much as we try to have meaningful and constructive conversations and as much I ban ppl who are crossing the line and always trying to remind ppl to be empathetic, with rules and posts, things will never be perfect. Miscommunication will happen, drama will happen… but if everybody has an empathetic, non violent communication mindset, these episodes can be avoided most of the times :) But most of times I get msgs of women thanking me about the group, so I guess this space is safer than most groups in general :)

“Why the admin don’t add more mediators, since this is such a big group?”
This question is related to the last question. There are two main reasons I’m not adding more moderators: I assume women joining this group can’t stand the trolling of other groups. Therefore, I expect ppl not trolling anybody and if that happens, ppl can report mean comments when they see them. So in the end everybody IS a mediator. Everybody has to check their own attitudes inside of the group, and keep an eye in what’s going on in the group in a whole. If you see smth bad happening, just report it to me.I already tried once to have mediators and it didn’t end up well. I guess I’m not good in managing people directly below me. It’s a big responsibility and again, I don’t get a salary to manage people. But yes, the group is getting bigger and who knows, one day I’ll add ppl again.

“How do I write an anonymous post?”
It’s written in the rules(reminder to read the rules), but here you go again:
- Send it as a pm to me
- Write your whole post in only one msg (can’t stress that enough!)
- I will post your text it in the group under my name and send you the link of the post, so you can track the answers.

“I wonder what are the tasks the admin has?”
I started the group without knowing what it was to be an admin, I just knew a space like this had to exist. With the group becoming bigger, I stated to understand I had to deal with a lot of things I wasn’t expecting and also never thought about. Also, I started to noticed that these tasks are not only simple tasks, but they can really affect my mental health. So in the end, managing the group became a part time unpaid and emotional labor.

So here is a list of things I usually do in case you are curious or wants to understand better what it is to be an admin of a big group: approving a lot of posts everyday, reading the posts, deleting posts, approving ppl to join the group, checking if they are real women, check their answers, checking the comments, deleting or banning ppl and comments, receiving anonymous posts, editing the anonymous posts, reporting ppl about their posts, banning ppl, getting rude msgs from banned ppl, reading all the other msgs that come in my dms, the good and the bad ones(actually there's A LOT of work related to checking my msgs and answering them), being asked to mediate personal problems, reminding ppl what is part of the rules or not, connecting ppl who wanna help anonymous member, setting up meetups... I'll keep adding to the list, as the group keeps growing.

“The admin is working on this group for so many years, how could I support her?”
I started the group without knowing what it was to be an admin, I just knew a space like this had to exist. With the group becoming bigger, I stated to understand I had to deal with a lot of things I wasn’t expecting and also never thought about. Also, I started to noticed that these tasks are not only simple tasks, but they can really affect my mental health. So in the end, managing the group became a part time unpaid and emotional labor.

So after 4 year managing this group, I decided to start accepting some patreon donations. And that’s basically the best thing you can support my time and energy managing the group. If you pay 2.50€ per month, that’s already great! If you are feeling generous or if you are able to give a bit more, you can also donate 5€, 10€ and 20€.

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